i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
