You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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