Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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