If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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