Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
a search helicopter?!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
