Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
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