i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
