I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
