I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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