I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
