I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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