I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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