i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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