he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
