apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just blew my weed a kiss
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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