If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
