Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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