can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
