STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
