ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
