WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
