The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
