IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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