Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
