I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
