Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
