Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
