my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
