she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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