Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
