Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's Friday. Sex?
My hand turned me down
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
