I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
