D3 body, D1 cock
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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