I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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