So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
MIDGETS
????
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
