My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
They are going to name an STD after you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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