that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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