we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
