i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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