Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize