What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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