can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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