alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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