Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
