apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
