The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
