how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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