Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
