Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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