please come you make the beer taste better
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
