i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
