drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
