I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
