I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
