i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
