You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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