Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I love having hate sex.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
