alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize