if only i could text you this smell
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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