I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I understand Curling. That high.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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