I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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