All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
