Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
