My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
