with your own penis?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
