i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
