No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
