good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
