yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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