this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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