Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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