Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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