i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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