I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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