I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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