He is such a slut. More and more my type.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
