Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
