so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
