And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
