So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
